God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
