I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
