Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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