come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
