I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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