Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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