A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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