just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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