I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize