i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
