WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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