He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
