just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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