i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
