i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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