worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
