I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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