Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
