He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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