Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize