Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I AM VODKA MAN
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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