kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
