did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
