saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We got so high we made milksteak
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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