left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
