My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
