hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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