unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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