Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize