And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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