Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
