she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
