He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
