i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
