There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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