Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
