There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
