i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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