Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The maid of honor just puked.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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