i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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