my vag is so smooth its legendary
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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