Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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