Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
