do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
