I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
