yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize