So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
