Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
