If that was your dad, he is hot
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize