I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
