sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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