She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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