I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's always time for handjobs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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