chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Quick, to the slutcave!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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