dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
