do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
