she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
