I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
