I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize