kristin has been a bad kristin
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
