apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
