The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
