Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Every concussion has its silver lining
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
