Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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