just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
