do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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