Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
