First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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