i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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