I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
