I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
