I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
