I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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