You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
