if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
